Skip to main content

You’re enough, believe me when I tell you that

Am I good enough? Why can’t I be as pretty as her? I wish we could afford a big house like the neighbours. Everyone is guilty of trying to keep up with the Joneses sometimes, but ultimately comparison serves no purpose but to make us feel unworthy. That’s why I think it’s so important to learn how to stop comparing yourself to others.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll honestly tell you I don’t have this one figured out all the time. But after my divorce, when we sold the family home, I was faced with a choice – keep up appearances and rent a similar big house (that I couldn’t afford), or live within my means and move into a caravan.

As you know, I chose the latter.

And even though my kids were loved, safe and happy, there were still times I wondered – is this good enough? And now that we have moved into our minimalist little fixer-upper house, I had hesitated until recently to share photos or videos on social media because it’s such a work in progress. We’re elbows deep in renovations and I definitely don’t have an Instagram-worthy kitchen!

Comparison isn’t a new construct, but thanks to social media, the ability to compare is now greater than ever before. In 1995 you only had to hear about your neighbours overseas trip in passing and try to avoid them pulling out the photo album. But not today, now you get to see them in your Facebook feed every day, sipping cocktails at the swim-up bar of their Fijian resort. Awesome.

In Psychology Today Dr Susan Biali says: “As part of my work (I speak and write about wellness, resilience, burnout and mental health), I read the studies that show that time on social media feeds increased depression and envy and decreases well-being.”

“This motivates me to use social media purposefully, specifically choosing what I will look at and keeping it to a minimum.

“I almost always regret it when I let my guard down and start scrolling. I’ll inevitably see something that makes me feel bad about myself or my life, or something else that makes me feel envious, that I’m missing something from my life that others have (something I probably wasn’t even thinking of until I saw it).”

Don’t believe the story you’re telling yourself. Instead, change the story.

When you look at another mums, whether it’s on social media or at school pick up, do you compare? Do you wonder how she seems to always have her shit together while you’re a hot mess?

But I’m going to challenge you a little bit here. Because that’s just the story you’re telling yourself. Maybe she has it all together, but maybe she’s struggling and imperfect just like you.

What if I told you someone looks at you the same way you look at ‘always-has-it-together’ mum? Maybe they think you have great hair or a cool style. Perhaps they envy your fitness figure, or your exciting career, or that you’re lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mum.

It’s human nature to compare, but when it starts making you feel like you’re not good enough or you’re lacking something, then it’s not serving you. You need to quit that comparison-trap!

I know it’s easier said than done, but you can learn how to stop comparing yourself to others, or at least recognise your triggers and find ways to avoid them.

It’s like any muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

My top 5 tips: How to stop comparing yourself to others

Comparing ourselves to others leaves us feeling inadequate and inferior. But the truth is, you are more than enough. You don’t need to keep up with the proverbial Joneses, or anyone else.

Once you figure out how to stop comparing yourself to others, you’re likely to feel more content with the blessings you already have in your life.

Here are my top 5 tips to help you flex your anti-comparison muscle:

1. Focus on your strengths

Flip the script. When you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone else, focus on your strengths. We’re all unique and have different strengths and weaknesses.

Stop thinking about what you can’t do, or don’t have and make a list of everything you’re good at. Write it down and look at it every time you need a reminder just how wonderful you are.

2. Cut yourself some slack

That inner voice can be pretty mean sometimes, can’t she?

When you compare yourself to others, you will always find ways to come up short. It feels like there’s always someone wealthier, prettier, thinner, smarter, no wonder comparisonitis makes us feel so shitty!

But you need to be kinder to yourself. Practise positive-self talk when your inner mean girl tries to come out.

3. Challenge your perceptions

Is your comparison fair?

When you compare yourself to others, you’re believing the story you’re telling yourself. And that’s based on what they want you to see.

We all present a different face to the outside world and even more so on social media. Apart from a few very close family members and friends, do you really know that much about what happens in people’s private lives?

That executive mum whose business trips look so glamorous might be desperately missing her kids. The couple who seem so loved-up on Instagram might actually be sleeping in separate rooms. Or the mum who always seems stand-offish and abrupt might have anxiety and be terribly shy.

4. Practice gratitude

I wrote a blog post about gratitude earlier this month, because I truly believe it is one of the keys to feeling more satisfied and fulfilled with the blessings you already have.

If we stop focusing on other people and instead think about ourselves and all the things we have to be thankful for, it’s easier to care less about what others have.

Remember, just because someone has more stuff than you doesn’t mean they’re happier.

Want to learn some practical ways to introduce gratitude into your every day? Check out this blog for some simple gratitude practices.

5. Unfollow people who make you feel worse about yourself

Who do you usually compare yourself to? If it’s people on social media, there’s a really simple solution to that – click unfollow! It might be a bit awkward if it’s your sister-in-law, but as for acquaintances, celebrities and so-called influencers – kick them to the curb, mama!

You don’t need that sort of negativity in your life. Have a digital detox and purge those accounts from your list.

Do you think these tips could work for you?

As well as practicing the five tips I’ve listed above, I truly believe simplifying and slowing down in your life can help you learn how to stop comparing yourself to others. Want to know more?

Join Hiddy’s Slow Down Dare and get your FREE Checklist 

I’d love to help you kick-start your slow-down journey with some easy, practical lessons you can implement in your life right now. Come and have some fun and join my free challenge here.

As a little Thank You for joining in, you’ll receive my FREE Slow Down In My Life Right Now easy evening checklist to help you introduce a beautiful, simple evening routine which will set you up for slow down success..

Grab the rules for #hiddysslowdowndare here and become part of my gorgeous, supportive online community as we simplify our lives and focus on our mission to slowing down and saying goodbye to the rush, once and for all! 

Thank you so much for being here and for adding your perspective. I’d love to hear how you feel and what you think.

Blessings, Hiddy xx

P.S. Please share this post with someone you love, because they might be in need of some slowing fun today too!